Dating a girl with a cold sore
When prodrome is present, it means the virus is active and the chances of transmission are high. But on the grand scale of things, herpes might be less of a challenge than celiac’s disease or severe nut allergies or even a monthly menstrual cycle.
Is the risk higher than being in a relationship with someone who is confirmed negative? But is it realistic to only be in relationships with people who have been recently tested for herpes? For most people, herpes outbreaks happen less and less frequently as time goes on.
If you’ve been physically intimate, freaking out was probably your first reaction (Do I now have herpes? Then come the other questions: Is herpes a deal breaker? But first, let’s get straight on what herpes is and what it isn’t.
Are you stupid to continue a relationship with someone who has herpes? There are two viruses that people talk about when they talk about herpes: Herpes Simplex Virus 1 and Herpes Simplex Virus 2, or HSV-1 and HSV-2.
We have a long tradition of shaming, ridicule, and misconception to thank for that. According to the CDC, most herpes transmissions occur when the infected person shows no symptoms and may not even know they are infected. After all, isn’t this essentially what just happened to you? “Unless you actually have reason to suspect they're cheating, a herpes diagnosis in the middle of a relationship does not mean they have been cheating.” Jenelle Marie Davis, the founder of The STD Project, explained to Primer.
From Shakespeare and South Park to sex ed and parodies of Valtrex commercials, herpes has been treated unfairly by mass society. “Most STI panels do not test for herpes, most people are asymptomatic (meaning they do not have signs or symptoms or experience outbreaks), and even the tests that are out there often return false negatives if someone was recently exposed or does not have a high enough concentration of the virus or the antibodies for the virus (depending on the type of test).” Dwelling on how someone got herpes is wasted mental and emotional energy, when really, you should be focusing on the next steps for your relationship in the here and now.
Both HSV-1 and HSV-2 can cause infections anywhere on your body, and both HSV-1 and HSV-2 are more common than you think. The prevalent statistics you encounter in drug commercials, sex ed, and PSAs are inconsistent and often confusing.
That’s because herpes infections are much more complicated than we paint them in our SNL sketches and stand-up routines. It’s from Project Accept.org: Around 75% of Americans carry HSV 1 or HSV 2 somewhere on their body.
So, when I tell you that your partner disclosing to you that she—and therefore maybe you—have herpes, I really mean that it’s not that earth-shattering.
This is between you and your girlfriend, fiance, wife, boyfriend, husband, life partner or whatever. The only reason we care about who gave it to us and when is because we shame people for how they got it – by having sex or engaging in sexual activities.
You have the opportunity to be open-minded about this. When we take that away, we stop freaking out.” Herpes is contracted through skin-to-skin contact and through sexual contact, including oral, anal, and vaginal.
Q: I've been seeing this girl and we've really been hitting it off. But my gut reaction is to ghost and never look back—I don't want herpes! – Jason, San Antonio A: Finding out your partner has herpes can be a bombshell at any point in the relationship. But it is not nearly as unique or earth-shattering as you think it is. I know there a lot of thoughts and anxieties swirling in your head—about your partner’s health, about your health, about your partner’s fidelity, about your future (or lack thereof) with your partner—and we’ll get to all that.
My head tells me to handle this like a mature gentleman.